Musings 2.0

I am a stranger to myself. A person who lives a life he loathes and, in contrast, shares some nuggets of life for his fraternity and becomes one he aspires for, albeit ephemerally, yet continuously unable to replicate the same in his own life remains listless. The events as they have unfolded is morphing ‘me’ into that ‘other’.

I am fastidious and facile fluctuating between frivolity and solemnity, magnanimity and gluttony at the same time. The pendulum of life has always swung to extremities endlessly. I like to think that I have weapons at my arsenal aplenty yet little do I make use of them or even make an attempt at using them. I try to analyze my trajectory and find it a nosedive yet somehow I convince myself that things are not as bad as they seem to be. In fact they are worse. I consider waking up from this dejection and make inroads for hereon. I do so too but just into a few meters I slacken up. I come to a halt and gradually to a full-stop. After the race is over, I realize potentialities of my endeavors and a different present and future if only I had … and I start again from the drawing board, the process is still looping infinitely. Perhaps I go hard at things and try to build Rome in a day. Perhaps I spring to action on impulse not on rationality. Perhaps I dream a lot so consequentially daydreaming and slumbering is routine now-a-days. Perhaps I sprint early on in a marathon and end up not completing even a quarter of it afterwards. May be I should start slow, steady and consistently move forward. Take it one step at a time and not bother the whole of it, value time for one rightly said time is money but I would like to add it is much more. Perhaps I should start saying emphatic no rather than lame yes.